Why We Wait So Long to Seek Counselling
Few people begin counselling at the first sign of distress. Most wait for weeks, months, or even years. The question is, why?
Sometimes we tell ourselves it isn’t serious enough. Other times, we believe we should be able to handle it alone. But beneath those explanations lies something deeper; a quiet resistance to knowing too much about ourselves. Not fear of the counsellor, but of what might be uncovered if we start speaking.
Counselling invites us to confront parts of ourselves we’ve learned to manage – by staying busy, productive, or distracted. It’s often easier to keep functioning than to pause and ask what our unhappiness might be telling us. But over time, that avoidance becomes its own symptom: a way of surviving that also prevents change.
From a psychoanalytic perspective, it isn’t just fear that keeps people from therapy – it’s attachment. We’re often more attached to our suffering than we realise. A symptom isn’t simply an error in our lives; it functions somehow.
For example, someone who constantly feels needed by others might complain of exhaustion, yet that way also protects them from facing their own wants & failures. In this way, the symptom both hurts and helps. It’s painful, but also functional. It props something up for us.
Letting go of a symptom can therefore feel like a loss. It means risking the disappearance of something familiar, even if it causes distress. This is why beginning therapy can stir unease: it challenges the small fictions we’ve built to stay stable.
In Dublin, as elsewhere in the world, many people still carry stigma around therapy. They worry what others might think or feel embarrassed about needing help. Yet what most discover once they begin, is that therapy isn’t about weakness at all. It’s about taking responsibility for one’s own story.
When that repetition begins to loosen something changes. What was once feared becomes a source of relief and regrowth. We start to feel a little less at the mercy of our suffering, and a little more alive to what might come next.
More on Counselling More on Couples Therapy Book an AppointmentRecommended Reading:
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Stephen Grosz, The Examined Life
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