What Can I do if I Can’t Sleep Because of Anxiety?
Most people describe it in a similar same way: you’re exhausted, you’ve done everything “right”, early night, phone off, lights out, no caffeine – and then your mind starts up.
Sometimes it’s obvious what it’s about: work, money, health, the kids, a relationship. But often it’s stranger than that. You’re not exactly thinking anything clear, yet your body is alert. You feel wired. The heart is a bit fast. The stomach is tight. The night is silent, and something in you refuses it.
Anxiety at night can feel maddening. The day is manageable – you can push through, keep moving. Night removes the scaffolding. And when the world goes still, whatever was being held at bay has more room to appear.
In psychoanalytic terms, anxiety isn’t just “stress”. It’s a signal. Not a helpful one, but a precise one: something is too close to the bone. And sleep, for many people, means letting go of control. Anxiety often arrives right at that point — as if to say: don’t drop your guard.
Why does it hit at bedtime?
There are a few common patterns.
1) The day ends, and the mind collects its debts.
During the day you borrow against yourself: “I’ll think about that later.” Later arrives at night.
2) Silence makes space for what you’ve been avoiding.
Not always dramatic avoidance – sometimes it’s just the quiet truth of a life that’s too full, too fast, too dutiful, or too lonely.
3) Your body learns the bed as a threat.
Once you’ve had enough bad nights, the bed becomes a cue for struggle. You lie down and your nervous system anticipates a fight.
4) Sleep feels like a loss of control.
This one is more hidden. Some people don’t fear the dark; they fear what happens when they stop managing everything. If you’ve spent years being “the capable one”, night can feel like the one place you might fall apart.
What can I do tonight, when it’s happening?
There’s no perfect hack, but there are sensible moves that reduce the spiral.
1) Stop trying to “make sleep happen”.
The harder you push, the more awake you become. Sleep usually comes as a by-product of letting go.
2) Get out of bed if you’re in the spiral.
Sit in another room. Low light. Have water. Read something boring. The aim is to break the association: bed = battle. Go back when you feel a little heavier, a little more settled.
3) Reduce stimulation, not light.
People can obsess over blue light and forget the bigger problem: stimulation. Scrolling, news, heated conversations, problem-solving, even “optimising sleep”. If you can’t sleep, choose something low-stakes and dull. Let boredom do its work.
A Lacanian angle: anxiety isn’t “nothing”
One of the most useful Lacanian points is that anxiety is not without an object. That doesn’t mean there’s always a clear external cause (“I’m anxious because of X”). It means anxiety has a logic – it’s tied to something specific in your world, even if it’s not yet speakable.
At night, that logic often shows itself indirectly:
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You replay conversations because something wasn’t said.
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You feel dread because something is changing and you can’t name what you’re losing.
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You obsess over health because uncertainty is intolerable.
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You plan tomorrow because the future feels like a demand you must meet.
In other words, the mind isn’t malfunctioning. It’s working too hard at a particular job: keeping you away from something felt as too close, too raw, too exposing – or keeping you aligned with an inner demand that never lets you rest.
Lacan called this the superegoic demand — not just “be good”, but “do more”, “don’t fail”, “don’t stop”. It’s often crueler than any external boss. And bedtime is exactly when you feel how uncompromising it is.
What helps in the longer term
If this has been going on for weeks or months, the solution usually isn’t a better bedtime routine. It’s understanding what anxiety is doing for you – what function it serves – and what it’s protecting you from.
Some themes that come up often in therapy:
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A life lived in permanent readiness (you can’t switch off because you’ve never felt safe enough to)
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A private grief or resentment that has nowhere to go in the day
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Perfectionism that acts like a moral law
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A relationship or family dynamic where you carry too much
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A fear of desire — wanting something different, and what that would cost
Therapy makes room for speech – the kind that isn’t performative, isn’t polished, isn’t for anyone else. When what’s being carried becomes sayable, the system doesn’t need to keep jolting you awake to manage it.
And paradoxically, sleep often returns not when you “solve” your anxiety, but when you stop treating it as an enemy and start listening to what it’s been trying to do.
When to take it more seriously
If you’re regularly sleeping very little, or anxiety is escalating into panic symptoms, it’s worth getting professional support. If you ever have chest pain, breathlessness, fainting, or symptoms that feel medically concerning, it’s important to visit a GP to rule out biological issues.
More on Insomnia & Sleep Anxiety TherapyFurther Reading:
When Panic Appears Without Warning
Why Intrusive Thoughts Don’t Mean What You Think They Mean
Clinical Reading:
- Darian Leader: Why Can’t We Sleep?
Counselling
Eating Disorders & Body Dysmorphia